So call me crazy but I’m lying in bed awake while my baby is sleeping and has been for his normal 4 hour long stretch. Why? Well I’m annoyed, and when I’m annoyed I can’t sleep especially if I’m annoyed at H. I’m annoyed mainly because I don’t feel very appreciated at the moment.
I have a baby who just wants me constantly, although I do get a couple of good blocks out of him at night I still think I average about 4-6 hrs of broken sleep each night. Then he is up when the sun comes up and doesn’t sleep too much during the day, which also means I don’t get a break.
Now I’m not overly bothered by it except that it appears to be expected that I should be maintaining everything at home still. Cleaning, cooking, washing etc. now I’m pretty grateful that my mum comes over a couple of times during the week and my Aunty comes over every now and then to help out too, but I feel like I’m slowly loosing the plot a bit. I have handled everything pretty well so far, but I think most of that is due to him being so supportive and helpful when I need it.
The last few weeks is different, he’s not himself and it’s stressing me out knowing that he’s not right and that he’s not checking in on me like he was.
So I sit here in my lounge after feeding my baby, having cuddles with him while he dreams and snorts and I cry because I don’t want to go to bed I just want my old H back. The one who woke up in the mornings and came and gave bubs and I a kiss and cuddle and asked how the night was, the one who would get me some breakfast because I was stuck on the couch, the one who would talk to me about whatever I wanted to talk about and the one who would try and cuddle me on the couch laying down even though we both knew there wasn’t enough room.
I miss him. It makes this all a lot easier when he’s around.