Its been a bit busy around here lately with my little baby turning one. I knew that I would feel a mixed bag of emotions, but I definitely was not prepared for just how emotional I going to be.
Looking from the outside, having a baby just looks like you have gained a human, once you get into the rhythm of the new days then you just get on with it. But its not that simple. The last 12 months have been filled with highs, lows, and everything in between. I didn’t just gain a human, I had a baby. I became a mother.
Ask anyone without children what it means to become a mother and you will surely get an array of answers to do with love and affection, support and a place to call home. But what many don’t realise is that in order to give those things, one must go through so many of her own challenges.
The challenge of accepting the new body that stares back at you in the mirror, you know the one that you constantly loath upon for being so different now. The one that can carry a baby for nine months but can’t ‘bounce’ back the way the celebs can.
The challenge of finding what you like to do for you, when every moment you spend thinking about everyone else is using up all the space in your head. The space that you feel so guilty for consuming your own wants in.
The challenge of explaining to those around you that although you can’t always catch up like you used to, they are still the treasured ones that are first to hear the tribulations of your new world.
The challenge of working out your different relationships with everyone around you, especially those closest to you. You have to remember how to be a wife, a partner, a lover, as well as being mum.
Through every challenge comes a turning point in your life, a point where you discover new strengths or goals. A new appreciation for what you have achieved both mentally and physically.
The challenges I have faced this past year have been some of the toughest I have ever had to go through. You read so many articles saying that eventually everything goes back to normal. But what is normal after having a baby? My life certainly isn’t what it used to be, and Im not the slightest bit fazed by that. It is the first time ever that I have accepted my shape, my size, my lumps and bumps for what they are. Me.
I have over come all the challenges so far, and Im sure will over come many more as I travel through parenthood. I am proud of who I am today and the stories I can tell. I have laughed, and cried, and even done both at the same time. I have watched my little baby turn into a little boy. His first smile and laugh, his first roll, and wave. I accepted my first kiss from him and listen to him say mumma, I watched as he calls for his dad and points at the cars. I was there to catch him as he took his first steps to me, and still cuddle him to sleep every night. Its been a big year, no wonder I was in tears the night before his birthday.