I keep myself awake thinking of all the bad things that could happen

Doesn’t matter how tired I am, every few days I keep myself up at night. The thing is the things I’m imaging in my head, although totally possible, are not likely.

Some, maybe. But most, ridiculous.

Tonight’s a goodie. I have something I have been wanting to do for a while and was telling H about it, it involves taking photos at playgrounds. Anyway so I got all excited and started thinking about how I could do it, when it happened. Those thoughts of fear crept into my mind and took over my wonderful drifting off to sleep thoughts.

So this is how it went…

I’m taking a nice photo of a lady with her little girl and reach out for A hand, some strange hand grabs on and I realise it’s not him. So I look up and see a man running out the park gate with him! I chase them screaming for everyone to stop them! He throws A into a van and drives off, so I run down the road and take a photo of the van when I spot them pull over and throw him out the side! Close call right..

Next…

Taking the same photo and he runs out into the shot which happens to be the path of the swinging girl, I don’t get to him in time, she kicks him over and then follows through on the way back. I jumped in the way to stop her so I could grab him. Totally possible but still…

So it goes on, every time I start to relax and close my eyes, something else happens. He trips into the brick wall, he falls off the train play equipment, trips with a stick.

Then I think I need to pee, so I start trying to move and A decides he going to give me a big cuddle. Yep, cool, but now I really do need to pee. So apparently there’s a commotion going on because H wakes up and says

“what’s wrong ?”

“I can’t sleep!”

“Why?”

“I dunno” (too hard to explain to asleep H)

“What’s all the barking about?” (???!!!???? Umm what?)

Anyway i manage to break free and pee, but still can’t sleep.

I’ve been told it’s normal, yep even H. Heres to another night of Pinterest till my phone dies!

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Picture this – the joys of co-sleeping

Picture this…

I get into bed to have a nice sleepy cuddle with A. Turns out I was just in time for the boxercise class! He started thrashing around, tossing and turning, up on to his knees and back out flat again. Kicking his foot out into my face and then sitting up and letting himself just flop back down to the bed without any regard to his surrounds.

So I’m trying to get out of the way to avoid his flapping around, head butts and general butts to the face. I’m moving my head further and further away before quickly ducking to the left and the remaining space of mattress taken up by my neck (my head is now hanging off the side!) . YES! He didn’t get me, I dodged a black eye tonight – was my thought until I quickly realised I was on a 45 degree angle, feet in the middle of the bed, head hanging off to the side of my pillow. And A has finally ended the class with a cool down and meditate across my shoulder/pillow! He is laying straight across me. I was stuck. And he was finally asleep, out cold.

Seen as I was too worried to move (never wake that sleeping child!) him, it gave me some time to reflect on the day.

First we had the emptying of a packet of earbuds across the floor, and scaling the toy box to find the hidden treasure on top.

A quick trip to H work to drop off some cake (he’s on a diet you know) then playing or destroying rather with the cousins.

And to finish it all off with a poo explosion.

All in a day’s work, mum life.

Oh and I managed to move him, just in time for H to show me how fantastic he is for putting his washing in the basket.

Gotta love my boys!

 

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The days can’t get any funnier right?

The days can’t get any funnier right?

WRONG!

Everyday gets funnier and funnier, tantrum or not and if you don’t laugh you cry.

I’m sure I’m not alone in the things I’m about to say, surely I don’t have the only kid who makes me laugh out loud. Some days I could definitely have a reality tv show.

One day in the life of my walking one year old:

It wasn’t a very good day tantrum wise because we had such a bad night. A night of no sleep absolutely aplifies everything for everyone.

And so they started…

First it was a melt down because I wouldn’t let him battle it out with the dog over who was going to eat the dog spew outside – I was quite happy to turn around and pretend the dog was just doing dog things while I wasn’t watching.

Little did I know the place I repositioned Archie was about two toddler sized steps to apparently a very enticing bit of dog poo.

And so it was on again, the floppy legs, the head hung down and a squeal I’m sure the next block over could hear, all over wanting to eat the dog shit!

So that was it, outside was proving to be a tantrum set off, so inside we went. I was so desperately needing to go to the toilet, so I had to risk it.

The risk didn’t pay off.

The trantrum started.

The reason, I didn’t want him to sit on my lap while I did my business. But that’s where he ended up, my ears did not enjoy the squeal in the tiled eco room. And why did he end up there, well because when you become a mum you give all rights to privacy

 

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A letter to my friends – we’ve all changed

To my closest friends,

I wish we could catch up more, or spoke more often, but the truth is, I’m not the same any more, and neither are you.

I am now a mother to my beautiful boy, quite frankly I’m surprised at the toll it takes. It’s the most exhausting, frustrating, exciting, joyful experience of my life. But I love it, and those of you who aren’t mothers will too one day know what I’m talking about. However, those of you who decided I was no longer privileged enough to speak to you, I say, thanks. I quite frankly don’t have time to chase you down to catch up, for you not to understand why I’m so tired or can’t hold an unbroken conversation while I help my boy to explore his world.

To those who are mothers, I’m sorry we don’t get to hang out as much, I know it’s hard to co ordinate nap times/bed times/feed times/grumpy times/can’t be bothered times. You’d think it would be easy enough to just txt, but the 45 other things going on around you make it just as difficult as if we were talking face to face. Our different parenting styles shouldn’t get in the way of a good conversation but sometimes it does and it’s hard to relate, just remember what it was like before our kiddies were born and hang on, those times will soon return. This time we can watch on as our kids make beautiful friendships because of us.

Although I may not be able to say everything I’m thinking while we catch up, I’ll let you know now, your doing an awesome job. Your the best mum to your child and doing everything right, you look great even if you don’t think so, I’ve seen what that body has done and I’m proud of you. Don’t listen to everyone’s “advice” do what you feel is right and enjoy the moments, I for one know that not everything is caught on camera but those moments will become your life long memories. Enjoy them. We will catch up when we can.

Sometimes your the only thing they want 

My poor little boy the last few days has been not quite himself. We have just come back from a week long holiday where he was not in his usual “routine” but I’m sure something else is going on. He has been flat out wanting boob all day and night, which is very strange indeed. Like to the point where I don’t even feel like I’m filling back up in between.

Now he is usually a bit frazzled and boobie when a tooth is on its way, so that was my initial thought but I have put numerous amounts of teething gel on and it just doesn’t seem to make a difference.

I have a 3 cry limit, if I put him back into our bed 3 times within 2 hours then I start going through the checklist. But even then sometimes all he wants is just to cuddle me. To lay his head on my shoulder or fall asleep listening to my heartbeat. I can’t blame him really, when I’m not feeling myself all I want is for my partner to be home so I can cuddle up to him and relax knowing I am safe.

So I sit and wait. This is where co-sleeping has its benefits, I sit on the bed and let him fluff around trying to work out where is the most comfortable position and then I wait. I wait for him to fall asleep, to roll away from me, letting me know he is ok if I walk away now. That he feels safe and loved and understood. Sometimes when we are not quite ourselves we just need a bit of affection, and I will always be here in those times of need for my little boy.