A Message For A New Mother

Soon you will go on the biggest adventure of your life. One that will test you to your absolute limit, one that offers every emotion from the deepest of lows to the highest of highs.

You will be given every ounce of advice, some maybe helpful, but most not. Some from people you love and a lot from people you barely know.

You will be made to feel like you need to categorise your parenting style to fit the norms and surely be judged on everything.

You will be told the “right way” to do everything, but yet it’s still not good enough.

For some reason everyone thinks they can poke their head inside your pram and touch your baby, everyone wants to know how old they are, what their name is and if they are a “good sleeper”.

Strangers will ask you when you will have another baby! (I know that seems ridiculous buts it’s true), other mothers will start comparing stats with you like your just casually talking about a game from the weekend and you will walk away feeling like a failure every time.

You will be up all night, sometimes for days. If you try breastfeeding, it will hurt, like toe curling hurt for weeks, could be up to 6 weeks, at least every 3 hours if not more.

You might hate it, you might love it.

You might resent everyone around you for what seem like the most ridiculous reasons.

And this is just the beginning.

But I’ll tell you now, it’s all worth it.

You’ll walk away from your birth feeling like you can conquer anything irrespective of how you get that baby out. Through the miracle that is life, that baby will know exactly who you are the minute they come out, they will feel calmed by your smell, your breath, your voice and above all your heart beat. The closer to you the better, and if anyone tries to tell you, you have a Velcro baby tell them to get lost.

You will gain a sense of responsibility like no other, the clothes on your back can become non-existent if you needed to, and your protective instinct will kick in. Listen to it, it’s their to protect you and your baby.

If you don’t feel comfortable, say something and say it proud. Don’t be afraid to make decisions that will be different to others, you know what’s best. And trust me, you do know, just listen to what your inner motherstinct is saying.

It’s ok to sit and cry for no reason, or for every reason, it’s hard.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Find a mother’s group and fall for them, they will be your place of sanity, your circle of trust, somewhere you can just talk and not worry about offending anyone, and then keep talking to them, stay in contact, they will be the ones up at 2am when the rest of the world is sleeping. Use them as your tribe, they will validate your feelings and support you in the moments you just can’t explain.

Remember that every night spent up changing, burping, feeding and holding your crying baby is another step closer to a first moment.

Take photos, lots of them, but make sure everyone around you takes photos too. You need to be in them, so when the hard times are over and the kids are older, you can look back on the memories. At the end of the day all they will have one day are photos, are they are more precious then anything.

And finally, its ok to feel lost, to feel like you don’t know who you are any more. Becoming a mother changes everything, your whole world changes, yet everyone else around you seems to stay the same. It takes time to feel like you again, to feel like the different you that motherhood has created.

Im here to cry to, celebrate with, ask questions, or just talk if you need to.

 

The Reality of Becoming Mum

Delete the Judgement – We don’t have room for that

Sometimes your the only thing they want 

 

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A Difficult Situation Indeed

Do you ever feel totally out of place, in a situation that should feel so comfortable?

like your just going through the motions. Your so confused about which one of your emotions fits the bill, so you just disconnect and decide none is easier and safer for all involved.

I do.

Its not that there is necessarily any adverse feelings personally towards anyone, its just easier than waiting for the reactions you had hoped for.

I try to make nice conversation, but at the end of the day its just small talk. Its hard work. Its not talking about the highs and the lows, the new adventures I’m planning, or the struggles I want to share. The triumphs and tribulations instead become an internal celebration, one of constant reassurance that I am not like that, surely not.

My life is so different now, I have changed so drastically that I’m not even sure they know the real me any more. In fact I know they don’t. My new way of thinking, and decisions I stick with become more of a comedy point than a discussion point.

Why isn’t it obvious how happy I am. The decisions I have made and the ones I’m yet to make have made me who I am today. I don’t need to be put down with sly comments, nor hassled and questioned about aspects of my life I once questioned myself.

But yet, I still feel so drawn to them. its normal to.

I wish it was different, but I’d be silly to think the feeling was mutual.

Perception is reality and the reality is each side has a different perception.

which brings us back to my original point, its easier and safer for everyone involved to continue on and keep the peace. After all, you can never truly put yourself in someone else’s shoes unless you have truly been there.

I love them, but no matter how hard I convince myself I have forgiven them, I will never forget.

 

What you don’t realise

Velcro is not a fair word

A Lonely Village

The Reality of Becoming Mum

Something that seems to be spreading like wild fire at the moment, is the notion of getting back to “you” after having a baby. The idea that something you did before you had a baby was your special thing, that thing that made you happy and content. That if you did that again that you would feel “normal” again. For some people this might be your career, a hobby or just catching up with your girlfriends. So what is mine?

Well that question is harder than it should be to answer.

Before I got pregnant the business I started from nothing, was everything, if I wasn’t at work then I was researching ways to make it better at home, it was always on my mind, and I loved it. I loved working for myself, I loved seeing the results from my ideas and above all else, I loved being the boss. Not in the power trip sense, but being the one who made the decisions and came up with the ideas. I had a couple of close friends that I caught up with fairly regularly and when I did have time I would sew.

Then I got pregnant.

The business I had worked so hard on to build was under jeopardy of legal battles, lawyer representatives and a lot more stress than I needed while pregnant – and why? A bad business partner decision.

I had to leave what I had built over 2 years, in a couple of weeks, without anything to show for it. Something that I was once proud as punch to tell everyone, is now something I dread to say out loud, something I keep to myself. Maybe because I feel almost ashamed that I made the wrong decision on the biggest decision in the small businesses life. Maybe because when you tell people you built a business and then had to leave, they don’t quite understand that leaving a business that you built doesn’t necessarily mean you will gain anything financially.

The few friends I had, decided that pregnancy wasn’t something they were interested in at that point in their lives, so it meant I wasn’t part of their lives any more. For some this happened straight away, for others it happened right when I needed them most – after the birth of my son.

I couldn’t just go to the gym like I used to, I could barely go for a walk after the stitches I got.

And sewing, well I couldn’t think, let alone create something.

So fast forward over 12 months, things have continued to change. Not only has just about every relationship I have changed, I have lost more friends, and moved interstate. I don’t have a job to go back to, and actually have no idea how I would work for “the man” now knowing what self employment is all about.

The slump just gets bigger and bigger. Its not staying home with A, I love and appreciate how hard H works so I can. But how do I go back to me, when there isn’t anything “normal” to go back to?

 

A Message For A New Mother

My Anxiety takes over

Do I Really Need to Make a Decision?