Something that seems to be spreading like wild fire at the moment, is the notion of getting back to “you” after having a baby. The idea that something you did before you had a baby was your special thing, that thing that made you happy and content. That if you did that again that you would feel “normal” again. For some people this might be your career, a hobby or just catching up with your girlfriends. So what is mine?
Well that question is harder than it should be to answer.
Before I got pregnant the business I started from nothing, was everything, if I wasn’t at work then I was researching ways to make it better at home, it was always on my mind, and I loved it. I loved working for myself, I loved seeing the results from my ideas and above all else, I loved being the boss. Not in the power trip sense, but being the one who made the decisions and came up with the ideas. I had a couple of close friends that I caught up with fairly regularly and when I did have time I would sew.
Then I got pregnant.
The business I had worked so hard on to build was under jeopardy of legal battles, lawyer representatives and a lot more stress than I needed while pregnant – and why? A bad business partner decision.
I had to leave what I had built over 2 years, in a couple of weeks, without anything to show for it. Something that I was once proud as punch to tell everyone, is now something I dread to say out loud, something I keep to myself. Maybe because I feel almost ashamed that I made the wrong decision on the biggest decision in the small businesses life. Maybe because when you tell people you built a business and then had to leave, they don’t quite understand that leaving a business that you built doesn’t necessarily mean you will gain anything financially.
The few friends I had, decided that pregnancy wasn’t something they were interested in at that point in their lives, so it meant I wasn’t part of their lives any more. For some this happened straight away, for others it happened right when I needed them most – after the birth of my son.
I couldn’t just go to the gym like I used to, I could barely go for a walk after the stitches I got.
And sewing, well I couldn’t think, let alone create something.
So fast forward over 12 months, things have continued to change. Not only has just about every relationship I have changed, I have lost more friends, and moved interstate. I don’t have a job to go back to, and actually have no idea how I would work for “the man” now knowing what self employment is all about.
The slump just gets bigger and bigger. Its not staying home with A, I love and appreciate how hard H works so I can. But how do I go back to me, when there isn’t anything “normal” to go back to?