At some point in motherhood you realise that you are no longer making decisions based on your needs, but based on those around you.

Something you never realise you are doing until someone points it out. Your decisions are no longer your own and somehow your ok with this. Life follows a different path, a path that depending on your beliefs, may have been set in stone long before you ever knew. The difficulty is accepting your new path, that the direction you are now heading is one that will challenge you and test you but allow you to come out the other side with more knowledge, more experience and more love for those your decisions are made for.

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We do it all

We as mothers, do it all.

We leave little time for ourselves in the name of love, and would do it all again in a heartbeat. 

We are not selfish, nor self absorbed.

We are the keeper of all things, and yet the taker of none.

We hold all our worries close to our chest, while allowing you to play freely.

We create our own worth, and sometimes yours is put above the rest.

We improve ourselves, with the hope you will follow by example.

We show no fear, at times when it’s crippling us inside.

We often lose ourselves when we are introduced to you.

We sacrifice our sleep, our sanity, our days off.

We don’t get to walk away, run away, or tap out.

We Pride ourselves in your work and your achievements, and should do the same for ourselves.

We are your teacher, your chef, your entertainer, your playmate, your best friend and your comfort when everything goes wrong.

And it doesn’t seem to matter how many times we promise to take time for ourselves, we just never quite manage to do so, because your always on our mind. 

Something we promised we would commit to the day we laid eyes on you.

The real ending of an era

It’s been almost two years to the day that I started nursing you and tonight you put yourself to sleep without it.

A choice you made on your own, in your own time, and at your own pace.        

I have fed you on demand since you were first laid in my arms, and although at times I didn’t think I could last much longer, I made sure to give you what you needed. 

Nursing became your emotional support, your physical support and your comfort in times of sickness and in health. It was our way of bonding, of taking time out in the day and honing in on what you truely needed in your life. It was no easy feat, we fought long and hard for our moment with plenty of tears along the way. 

We fought off the nasty comments and the awkward stares, and yet found moments of peace amongst the chaos around us. 

I will always hold close the photos we have in some of those moments, the way you look up at me and smiled, the instant relaxation and sleepy cuddles. There’s nothing quite like it and something I will treasure for as long as I live.

Wellness vs mindfulness

Your wellness is absolutely my main goal in life, ensuring that you are capable of understanding your emotions, your feelings and above all managing and acting on them.

 

I understand how important it is to truly feel well, to feel like you have got it all together. But the idea of discussing how to be mindful and how to achieve wellness all the time I fear will have a negative impact on your life, as well as my own.

 

You see it’s still an act of comparison, a way to show someone else is doing better, knows better, or has it all together better than you do. You may walk away feeling like a failure because you don’t achieve the checklist of life they seem to have discovered. A checklist that is in no way, shape or form the same for everyone, one that may have come from the temptation of making a lot of money from those that are just searching for answers in their lives. The vulnerable, who believe the answer to their sadness is going to be as easy as mindfulness, who believe the five step process to getting more out of life, the ones who refuse to look within.

 

Life is precious, you won’t be the only one looking to get the most out of it, just know that you don’t need to use the greatest Pinterest quotes to feel like you’re conscious of your wellness. You don’t need to #mindfulness to feel as if you are ticking another thing off the list, and you certainly don’t need to pay for someone to tell you how you can make your life better. Your life is in your hands, if you feel as though something isn’t quite right, find something that makes you feel good on the inside, and if you don’t know what that is, just start with something, anything. Remember todays worries are tomorrows stories.