Do you ever feel totally out of place, in a situation that should feel so comfortable?
like your just going through the motions. Your so confused about which one of your emotions fits the bill, so you just disconnect and decide none is easier and safer for all involved.
Its not that there is necessarily any adverse feelings personally towards anyone, its just easier than waiting for the reactions you had hoped for.
I try to make nice conversation, but at the end of the day its just small talk. Its hard work. Its not talking about the highs and the lows, the new adventures I’m planning, or the struggles I want to share. The triumphs and tribulations instead become an internal celebration, one of constant reassurance that I am not like that, surely not.
My life is so different now, I have changed so drastically that I’m not even sure they know the real me any more. In fact I know they don’t. My new way of thinking, and decisions I stick with become more of a comedy point than a discussion point.
Why isn’t it obvious how happy I am. The decisions I have made and the ones I’m yet to make have made me who I am today. I don’t need to be put down with sly comments, nor hassled and questioned about aspects of my life I once questioned myself.
But yet, I still feel so drawn to them. its normal to.
I wish it was different, but I’d be silly to think the feeling was mutual.
Perception is reality and the reality is each side has a different perception.
which brings us back to my original point, its easier and safer for everyone involved to continue on and keep the peace. After all, you can never truly put yourself in someone else’s shoes unless you have truly been there.
I love them, but no matter how hard I convince myself I have forgiven them, I will never forget.