Respect your words

My responsibility as your mother is to teach you how to be respectful in every sense possible. And the best way to teach you anything is to lead by example.
Maybe when your older you will understand that our games are the best teaching aid around. That through laughter, you gain the knowledge and respect for a set of words so important in the rest of your life. 

So when we play games that involve tickles, and raspberries, tumbling and hiding, and you say ‘stop it’…I stop. 

I don’t keep going because you sound like your enjoying it, I don’t keep going because your smiling or laughing. And certainly not because I’m having fun too. I stop because you said so. And when your ready for more you say ‘go’. 

It’s that simple.

It works. It may make our playtime more interesting at times, but you understand the meaning of the words your using. You become more aware of what is being said around you, and you become more aware of what is going on especially when your playing, with other kids.

And here’s my hope. That you will always respect your words, understand that they have power behind them and power in them. Know that you can make or break someone with just one phrase, one word even.

You will not just grow up knowing this because you are a boy, but because you are human, you are a child, and one day, you will become a part of society as an adult.

Use your words wisely, and more importantly, listen to those words spoken to you, for one day, those words might be what keeps you out of serious trouble.

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You joined me just like that

You snuck into our lives so swiftly and quietly.

Just like that, you joined me in my days and nights. By the time I realised you were with me, you had already grown such a strong heart beat.

Your silent entry into our lives has made some decisions come a lot harder than others, but some certainly easier. It has once again allowed us to trust in the process of a greater plan, and although speeding up part of our timeline you have made sure that we don’t lose sight of what’s truely important.

But your entry doesn’t come without fears and worries, without hesitation or questions. Your father and I now have two of you to consider in every decision we make, not only financially but emotionally, physically, and mentally. I now especially know what I’m in for in terms of mental health, stress and lack of sleep, motivation and at some times understanding, except this time I will also have an emotionally overloaded toddler.

My anxiety is high and maybe it’s because I realise just how low i can get in that first year. I already have a lot to juggle but I want to make sure you have the same emotional welcome into this world as your brother did, without leaving  him out.

You are both important to me and loved all the same, and it will take a big learning curve to get into the swing of things, but we will work it out, we always do.

At some point in motherhood you realise that you are no longer making decisions based on your needs, but based on those around you.

Something you never realise you are doing until someone points it out. Your decisions are no longer your own and somehow your ok with this. Life follows a different path, a path that depending on your beliefs, may have been set in stone long before you ever knew. The difficulty is accepting your new path, that the direction you are now heading is one that will challenge you and test you but allow you to come out the other side with more knowledge, more experience and more love for those your decisions are made for.

We do it all

We as mothers, do it all.

We leave little time for ourselves in the name of love, and would do it all again in a heartbeat. 

We are not selfish, nor self absorbed.

We are the keeper of all things, and yet the taker of none.

We hold all our worries close to our chest, while allowing you to play freely.

We create our own worth, and sometimes yours is put above the rest.

We improve ourselves, with the hope you will follow by example.

We show no fear, at times when it’s crippling us inside.

We often lose ourselves when we are introduced to you.

We sacrifice our sleep, our sanity, our days off.

We don’t get to walk away, run away, or tap out.

We Pride ourselves in your work and your achievements, and should do the same for ourselves.

We are your teacher, your chef, your entertainer, your playmate, your best friend and your comfort when everything goes wrong.

And it doesn’t seem to matter how many times we promise to take time for ourselves, we just never quite manage to do so, because your always on our mind. 

Something we promised we would commit to the day we laid eyes on you.

The real ending of an era

It’s been almost two years to the day that I started nursing you and tonight you put yourself to sleep without it.

A choice you made on your own, in your own time, and at your own pace.        

I have fed you on demand since you were first laid in my arms, and although at times I didn’t think I could last much longer, I made sure to give you what you needed. 

Nursing became your emotional support, your physical support and your comfort in times of sickness and in health. It was our way of bonding, of taking time out in the day and honing in on what you truely needed in your life. It was no easy feat, we fought long and hard for our moment with plenty of tears along the way. 

We fought off the nasty comments and the awkward stares, and yet found moments of peace amongst the chaos around us. 

I will always hold close the photos we have in some of those moments, the way you look up at me and smiled, the instant relaxation and sleepy cuddles. There’s nothing quite like it and something I will treasure for as long as I live.

Wellness vs mindfulness

Your wellness is absolutely my main goal in life, ensuring that you are capable of understanding your emotions, your feelings and above all managing and acting on them.

 

I understand how important it is to truly feel well, to feel like you have got it all together. But the idea of discussing how to be mindful and how to achieve wellness all the time I fear will have a negative impact on your life, as well as my own.

 

You see it’s still an act of comparison, a way to show someone else is doing better, knows better, or has it all together better than you do. You may walk away feeling like a failure because you don’t achieve the checklist of life they seem to have discovered. A checklist that is in no way, shape or form the same for everyone, one that may have come from the temptation of making a lot of money from those that are just searching for answers in their lives. The vulnerable, who believe the answer to their sadness is going to be as easy as mindfulness, who believe the five step process to getting more out of life, the ones who refuse to look within.

 

Life is precious, you won’t be the only one looking to get the most out of it, just know that you don’t need to use the greatest Pinterest quotes to feel like you’re conscious of your wellness. You don’t need to #mindfulness to feel as if you are ticking another thing off the list, and you certainly don’t need to pay for someone to tell you how you can make your life better. Your life is in your hands, if you feel as though something isn’t quite right, find something that makes you feel good on the inside, and if you don’t know what that is, just start with something, anything. Remember todays worries are tomorrows stories.

Motherhood is a balancing act

Someone or something always gets left out.

It doesn’t matter how hard you try and fit everything in, it just never works out the way you had hoped. Nine times out of ten, something gets left out, but once in a while its someone.

Its not something intended in a nasty way, its done in order to keep going. Without give, the whole juggle will come crashing down around you. The juggling act may not always seem visible, but you can be sure its there. Like dodge ’em cars in your head, each task bumping into each other, some push others out to the far edges, sometimes just far enough to stay out of sight, no matter how long or short term that thought has been bouncing around in there. Some are pushed to the side on purpose in order to get just the right amount done for the day without burning out, with the hope that it won’t go too far out of sight, you forget what it was all together.

But some times it just doesn’t work. Things are forgotten, and tasks not done. Some days are spent at home watching tv and playing small games, these are the days you need to remember something. It’s not that I don’t care what you’re doing, it’s that I care too much for the future. The short term and the long. The balance can be very rocky at times, but we get through.

We scrapped the to do lists a long time ago, they became too long and overwhelming, too much of a reminder of what I can’t get done in a day and how much my day doesn’t go to plan. So we make a done list, a list we can feel accomplished in our day. One that shows all the tasks we did today, big and small. And you know what, we get a lot done, but we still forget a lot of things too, and thats ok.

I’m not super mum, I never expected to be, I just hope you can see the things piled up on my plate are for the benefit of your future.

Life is harder than everyone thinks

Life is hard.

Its harder than people let on, and if anyone tells you its not hard, they are lying.

Every single person struggles at some point, some struggles are more intense than others. Some last longer than others, and some people feel like they never get a break.

It feels like there is so much at stake, that some days can be unbearable with worry and stress. Decisions need to be made, some that feel like are sealing your fate. Decisions that lead you down two different paths, that at times can feel like you just want to build a bridge to the other side and change your path right then and there.

To go back and change that very first decision that started it all, the one that although seems to give you what you need in life, doesn’t give you what you want in life. One that can make you feel so stuck in limbo, that you really don’t know where to start to change it.

Some days it seems like your fighting back against, well, everyone. But your really fighting against yourself. Your own stop. A stop that makes you believe your not good enough. A stop that believes everything that everyone says to you. One that limits you to your chosen path because you’re too old, too dumb, too smart, don’t have any money, earning too much to leave, or don’t know where to start.

And its hard. Its hard to make that call, especially when there are more than just you involved. Its hard to make a change when you don’t have a risky personality. Because thats what it comes down to. Life is all about risk and reward.

Its about taking opportunities that are presented to you, and finding a way to do what you want to do, to live the life you want to live. Failure is stored as experience and lots of failures mean a hell of a lot of experiences. Each one different from the next, because you learn, and change your tactics.

Life is already hard enough without your own pressure. Find what you want to do and chase it, chase it hard.

You got your own babies today, for reasons far beyond play.

One day you will become a man, a man that will hopefully if you wish it, one day become a father. A father I hope will be just like your own.

In this current moment your babies are real to you. You show them love and affection just like I do to you. You pat them, cuddle them and put them down to nap. I’ve seen you stroke their heads and kiss them as you relax to sleep, and although you may not be quite old enough to recognise everything a baby needs. Your understanding of what to give them comes from the way I am with you.

I don’t want you to grow up without understanding of how to play in a nurturing way. What you may not notice until your much older, is that social norm ‘boys’ toys can teach a certain kind of aggression. And although I’m not totally against ‘boys’ toys, I am deadly afraid of you becoming a hostile and aggressive man. 

I want you to know that toys that teach a type of nurturing, delicate side of life is a skill you must learn to be present in others lives. A skill that helps you to empathise and care for those around you, to feel confident and comfortable in your own skin.

And if I can help you to achieve that, I’ll know I’ve done my job right.